Sup?

So Its been roughly a year since I last bashed you for being
a) lame and reading a blog written by someone like me
b) exposed a portion of my very confusing mind on this blog
or c) used this blog as a way to hate upon people who made me upset in the real world

So I know that those 3!!!! people who used to read this blog are probably all gone, so probably I am writing this for myself, but I just wanted to let my imaginary readers know that life is better.

I haven't had to rant at the world as I have been in a committed relationship for almost a year now. (Gasp! maybe I'm getting better!) I have done substantially less recently to attempt to destroy my happiness though I admittedly still have MANY problems.

Well maybe next time I'll write you peeps something a little more entertaining a humorous, please let me know what your looking for.

Why am I doing this again

Its ironic i think...my friends complain i never share my emotions. that i hide my real feelings from the world...yet anybody who wanted to no could come here and read a very selective sinopsis of my life....
Look i no that again there is no one reading this....i dont ask for readers nor do i want them...To those who are reading this congratulations u no me better than almost anyone in the world for here is where the inner workings of my brain are blasted onto paper....or screen print whatever

I am not neccesarily any better off than i was before...i mean i have found someone i care immensely about...someone i care so very much for....and i am both lucky and proud to say that she feels the same way about me....and yet i cannot feel at ease in this situation...perhaps last years wonderful glorious events prevent me from releasing these fears....i no not...instead i merely hope that whatever comes my way does not break me...for while the reed bends in the wind i am more like a tree....i either stand or i break...bending is something i never quite learned...

Wow its been a long time

man its been forever since i saw this crappy little box where i pour out some feelings to the general public (meaning like the three people who know and check this blog). Anyway I am really suffering from waves of tiredness...but i feel like things have changed since i last posted...what did i post anyway? Hang on a sec...yes that girl i wrote about found a bf (maybe more than one) since then and ive been being me...u no usual random mood swings and confusing behavior...but hey im still alive and i think i did job of making some new friends in Nawlins (yes that might be code by im tired of assuming things and then getting burned so no mo), and the trip was hella chill. At least im doing this instead of finishing my homework, after all, why would I want to be productive?? MEh college acceptances have been mostly rejections but im glad that i can finally say that at least my choices have been limited.

Maybe its just cause im tired but this has been my least rant rant in a while.

Well Aint that Funky Now!!

Well Aint that Funky now!

You know what im talking about my "relationship" with a certain someone from a school that i do not attend...

Well anyway, so i finally got up enough backbone to ask her if we were a couple and (wait for it here comes the part that makes this worth a blog)

We both like each other but we are busy 17 year olds living 45 minutes apart so it just wont work

I understand that and she does and we're cool with that (or at least i think we are)

So now here i am feeling all weird cause i asked and we like each other but we are not going out and so im wondering, "if i was mutually agreed upon why do i feel so terrible about it??" and so i start thinking and i realize, "its because she likes me that i feel bad about this."

So now im going why does this make me feel bad shouldnt i be happy for a potential future or something??

No, because see im never really happy with what i have(well i was once but then that went and got screwed up(long story u probably already no)) So no matter what it suxs to me oh well

Break

so this is the first article to appear in a new section of entries, catagorized as Terrible life humor.

Yes i no nobody reads this
so writing out my thoughts to the nobodies that read this is pathetic, but at least its better then rereading the worst online conversation i have ever had with anyone ever.

Its funny because every time i read it i get a different interpretation, at first the other party was the asshole, but no as everything wraps up, and i struggle to close that chapter of my life, i wonder were they really the asshole?
Or was i so blinded that i, the real asshole, has it confused?

I could not say so i will not

Some say tomorrow is another day, and blah blah blah
but the only reason tomorrow is not today is because humans have designed Calenders and clocks which tell us that every night at 12:00 it becomes a new day

So then the question is was i dumped today or six months ago?
and whose to say when a day truly ends??

and that was way too existential for me so all yall can crawl back into ur holes cause this is the only blog im running and u wont like it trust me

anyways i got stuffz ta do so go jump in lakes

this is epic!!

so im thinkin about a song and im like im gonna make that into an im away message so im thinkin

Hey sorry im not there but I
gotr to find a reason
reason things went wrong,
got to find a reason why my monies all gone.
(now here comes continuing thoughts to add on and on and on)
Yes i am that epic
cause im da man
not the "man"
you know the one that's always putting you down man
and not man like the "man" man
man like dawg man
and not dawg like dog man but dawg like peas in a pod
and not like really peas in a pod but like blood man
and not blood like the stuff that flows through your veins man but like we tight
not tight like doesnt fit dawg but tight like bros man
and not bros like brothers man but bros like amigos, compadres

you get the gist it isnt as funny now as it was when i was thinking it up fresh out of my head

Life

Alright so we all know that life is called a journey, but today on my run i decided to take the analogy a step further.
So i thought to myself we always describe life as walking forward, but life isnt that simple.
One can travel down the road of life in any direction that one chooses, and not just at a walk, but a run, skip, leap, crawl, and some even ride or drive down the road we call life.

Life isn't defined by the road trip, life is defined by the stops we make, which motels, and monuements, and colleges we stop at on our way to the final stop.

People don't remember the road we take, they only remember the stops. When people look at Herbert Hoover's policy during the great depression they dont see a man who had made himself from mothing trying not to destroy that part of america, they see a man who couldnt understand that one must help the people directly and that trickle down economics dont work.

A Great person is not defined by their stops however, a great person should be defined by what in their lives road led them to these great achievement

The basis for any great achievement should be why a person did it. to be truly great, a great achievement should have great reason behind it. Helping people because u too were once poor and homeless, not because you want people to see you as a giving person

Too often people who have the potential for greatness settle for mediocrity whether for own disbelief in themselves or someone else's disbelief in their ability, and this fear that they are in someway unable to achieve greatness plants the seeds of mediocrity

Then comes the fear that in failing to be great one will lose even their chances for mediocrity, and so with these fears banging about in their head, one sets out a safe unscary path set into the depths of normalcy and mediocrity where they can be forgotten forever.
But to do so is to sacrifice a gift, a talent, and no reason, to avoid failure, to stay with friends, to not make people feel bad is worth sacrificing one chance to be truly great, to truly help the world, and accept mediocrity.

This is not to say that mediocrity is not fine, it is to say that those who are destined for greatness much achieve it for not all are given the gifts nor the desire to reach it, but those her are, should not let anything stand in the way of their quest for greatness!